Life really sucks.

I lay here at 2:08 in the morning unable to sleep, and you know what? I'm over it. From betrayal and lies from two people who I thought were there to support me, to a community of cowards who can't see when someone who does a lot for them is truly sick and suffering... Despite the rumours they know are going around. I'm thankful for one lady at church, I will nickname her C. She had a cuppa with me to cheer me on to encourage me and to listen to my side.

Oh and add on top of that that I had to resign my job (almost forced to) because of ill health.

I'm living below the poverty line... But I don't look like it... Except the fact even the colour of my skin is changing.

My skin looks dirty though it's clean... I'm looking pale and grey... Much like the woman I saw in Citluk who was wearing tons of make up to try hide how sick she was. The poor darling. I can not believe I don't remember her each and every day. She taught me, indirectly that no matter how bad things are, they are always worse for some one else.

So though I'm sick, with no family and the remnants of friends that don't bother to ask how I am and with a random truck that came through at 2am, with no job, no ability to get a new one at this stage and nearly looking at bankruptcy at 24, oh yeah and did I mention I'm sick? Like missed a friend's wedding due to no money sick, like I can't afford bills sick, like I struggle to get out of bed each morning sick? Like possibly missing my little foster sister's first baby shower, her engagement and all that because of my health? Like missing everyone and being absolutely heartbroken yet because I'm used to pretending I'm okay, I can put on a 'mask' and pretend to be okay to prevent people knowing.

Acting like I'm not sick and hurting is a full time job with barely any breaks... And unpaid.

Welcome to adult hood, Catherine Tree, this is how it really goes... Alone, sick, unable to work though you wish you could send unable to study too due to bring sick.

Certainly a long way away from my past dream life of being a lawyer's intern and at least engaged, if not married, by now.

Let's just hope one day I might make my living with writing... But I can't even do that right at the moment.

Ps. Did I ever mention how much I STRONGLY DISLIKE autocorrect? (except when it's actually helpful.)