Someday...

...I may be able to wake up and no longer be stressed about the vividness of the experiences of my nightmares; nightmares I have even during the day.

Today's was particularly bad; the kind of nightmare one hopes to never have. The kind of nightmare where one of your most trusted friends is assaulting you and making violent and untoward advances that you can't get away from.

Yes I have constant nightmares about wars where I have to help people and fight for them. Yes I have nightmares where I'm assaulted or my family and friends are being chased after, killed, tortured or where there are other forms of violence or psychological, spiritual, mental and/or physical assault or torment. No this doesn't mean that I am a nutcase. No this doesn't shake my faith. Yes it is strengthening.

I just pray that I don't have this kind of torment again. Life's too hard to be able to deal with that as well.

Try going to piano and work and then home for a normal conversation after having a nightmare which seemed real (until I woke up) where someone you trust a lot is the person raping you; and in an entirely violent and uncaring manner.

Try being normal after that.

Somehow God gave me that grace today. Thank him forever and ever, AMEN!!!